All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
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