Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
