dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
wakey wakey hands off snakey
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
why do cheetos always look like penises
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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