I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Randomize
