All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
