I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Boobs are out for the taking
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
