Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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