We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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