No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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