i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
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By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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