Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
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