I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
