im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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