Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
