He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
