Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
