I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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