the new term for farting is butt boxing.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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