I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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