The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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