And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
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