It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
