I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
