her vagine was all disorganized.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
