I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
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