I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
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