Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
