Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
