3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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