as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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