you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
