Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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