my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
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