I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Randomize
