i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
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