Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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