I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize