who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
