as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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