What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
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