I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Randomize
