I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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