i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
