She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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