and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he just fucked me for my cheese..
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize