good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
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