i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
