Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
