remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
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