Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
