Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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