The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
