it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
