I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Randomize
