It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Khloé Kardashian Finally Speaks Out About The Tristan Thompson Cheating Scandal
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
15 Porn Memes You’re Only Allowed To Laugh At If You’re Over 18
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.