I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
