She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
