Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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