pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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