My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
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