I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
