Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
