i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Your mouth is God's brothel.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
