I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Randomize
