Who did Billy Mays play for?
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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