i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
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